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11 March 2009 @ 12:19 am
You're the only one who can break me down like this (1.5/2)  
Title: You're the only one who can break me down like this (1.5/2)
Author: Jenny (dazzledjem)
Pairing: Robert Pattinson / Kristen Stewart
Rating, Word Count: M, 2 514
Disclaimer: Don't know them, don't own them.
Summary: “I like to watch things I’ve lost when I try to focus on the future."
Note: I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! School took all my time, I had a bunch of tests. This part contains Paris and UK, which means that there will be another part containing Japan. I don't know when, but I hope it will be as fast as possible. English is not my first language, so please excuse any grammar mistakes. Please let me know what you think, feedback is always appreciated!



December 8th, 2008

He walked down the lobby with slow steps. He wasn’t in any hurry.

“Excuse me,” he said to the female receptionist. “Do you speak English?”

“Yes, sir.”

Was it just him or had she just unbuttoned a button of her skirt?

“I was wondering… I mean, it’s close to midnight and no one is using the dining room, right?”

“Right?” she said with a smile.

Too bad he couldn’t care less, because the woman smiling at him wasn’t her.

“So, would you mind if I sat there for a while and played your wonderful piano? I couldn’t resist asking.”

He used the crooked smile, hoping it would work. He would go crazy by just sitting in his room, drinking a beer and playing the guitar all to himself.

“Uhm…”

He sighed. Dazzled, right.

“Of course you can,” she said after a moment. “Do you want some company?”

“No,” he said honestly.

Or at least as honest as it could be, meaning that he didn’t want her company.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, let me just unlock it for you then. Follow me,” she said and started walking, clearly annoyed that he had blown her off.

*

She was standing on the balcony of the hotel, just staring out at the big city. The only thing she could see was all the lights, but it was still so beautiful.

And so darn cold. She exhaled sharply, and it looked as if she was smoking. How badly she wanted to feel the cigarette between her fingers, slowly bringing it to her lips…

Quitting was the worst decision she had ever made. She had held out for five days.

It’s long enough, she thought.

Just as she had convinced herself one more cigarette wouldn’t kill her, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She sighed quietly and pulled it up.

Rob, 01:25 AM
Meet me in the dining room.


She didn’t even need to think twice, and that almost scared her. The only thing she did was to smile sadly at how she replaced one bad thing with another even worse one.

*

The first thing she heard when she entered the dining room was the most wonderful piano playing she had ever heard.

She wasn’t surprised to see him sitting at the piano, looking down at his fingers as they moved softly across the keys.

“Hi,” she said softly before she took a chair and sat down next to the piano, still keeping her distance as always.

“Hi,” he said, not looking at her.

“What are you playing?” she asked curiously.

“I don’t know,” he replied shortly. “Something that just came up, I guess.”

“Does it have a name?”

“I think I’ll call it something simple. Lost, maybe.”

His voice wasn’t as soft as it used to be. She wondered briefly if he had been drinking.

“Have you been drinking…?” she asked carefully.

“No,” he lied.

He hadn’t drunk that much actually, just two beers.

“Don’t lie to me,” she said.

“I’m not,” he replied.

She sighed.

“Robert, why are you…” she began, but he interrupted her.

“Could you maybe sit down, or stand, in front of the piano, somewhere where I can see you clearly?”

She looked confused for a moment, but she did as he had said.

“Why?” she asked when she had sat down.

He took a deep breath, preparing to speak some of the cruelest words he had ever spoken to her.

“I like to watch things I’ve lost when I try to focus on the future,” he said slowly. “And hope that I won’t make the same mistake again and chase after things or people that are already taken.”

She felt like his voice had been the salt to an open wound. She felt so vulnerable, sitting there in front of him.

Because he had asked her to.

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes, all because of him, and her stupidity. She tried to console herself by repeating He’s been drinking, he’s been drinking in her mind, but it didn’t help.

And even though if he only said it because he had been drinking, she still knew that it was true.

She had been taken, to the public eye, at least.

On the inside, she had been in chains, screaming, hoping that someone would come along and release her from them.

And he had been that someone. He had come along, holding the key in his love for her.

And he didn’t even know.

“Rob…” she began in a low, unsteady voice.

“But then again, I prefer when those things keep quiet so I can concentrate,” he said sharply.

He had never been like this, even if he had been drinking or not. When he had been drunk he had mostly been sweet, a little too talkative, but it was okay.

This wasn’t.

She got up from the chair and started to walk down from the stage, and he stopped playing so abruptly that she had to turn around.

“Damn it!” he said, and she could see the tears glistening in his eyes.

It was all she could to not to let the tears she had hidden fall.

“Could you just stand still? Please!”

“No,” she said and started walking towards him.

“Bitch,” he mumbled under his breath, and it stung, but that didn’t matter now.

All that mattered was him.

“Come with me,” she said.

“No.”

“Please… Come with me,” she pleaded.

“I’m going to get drunk. And then… I am going to get laid. Maybe French ladies are easier than you Americans?”

She wanted to slap him, but she didn’t. She grabbed her own wrist to stop it from even touching his cheek.

“Actually, I think it’s harder to get inside their pants,” she said harshly.

“You’re only saying that.”

“No.”

“Have you tried?”

She sighed, and grabbed him by the arm and started walking. She was surprised that he didn’t even object.

*

“Undress,” she commanded him when they had made it to her hotel room.

“If you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask.”

“Rob, I am serious and I’m fucking tired. Undress and go to bed. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“You and me, in the same bed. Or I’ll leave. I won’t let you hurt your back.”

She sighed and began taking her jeans off, keeping her white tank top on.

“I swear to God, if you even try something, you’ll feel it for days.”

He held up his hands as she angrily crawled down under the covering. He wasn’t late to join her.

“Keep your distance,” she reminded him and turned so her back was facing him.

*

An hour later, she had still not fallen asleep, and neither had he, though she didn’t know that. She just couldn’t seem to get into that state when it was possible to sleep. It was as if her mind was driving in 100 miles per hour, never slowing down, more likely just accelerating.

Suddenly, she felt his warm, strong arms around her waist. She felt her back being pressed against his chest. He was holding her as close to him as possible, obviously ignoring what she had said earlier.

“I love you,” he whispered to her.

She didn’t move. She just hoped the tear that he wouldn’t notice the tear that ran down her cheek as she pretended to be fast asleep.

*

December 18th, 2008

Kristen was surprisingly very fascinated of the places in London that he showed her. They had been to lots of places already, and she had listening to every word he had said, which had been a lot.

She was glad that he didn’t mention what he had said to her in Paris. Maybe he really believed that she had been asleep.

She was an actress, after all.

It was so hard not to just take his hand as they walked down the streets of London.

“This is a great place for underage drinking,” he said and pointed to a small pub.

She had to laugh at how informative his tour was.

“This is where I went to school. Well, until I got kicked out,” he said and laughed a little.

“And yet you’re so clever,” she said.

“I know! Shocking, isn’t it?”

“Totally.”

They walked for a little while, with the awkward silence hanging in the air.

“The girl who stole my very innocent virtue, lives right there,” he said as he stopped and pointed towards a small, mustard yellow house.

She felt the jealousy rise within her, though she didn’t know why. She hadn’t even been a part of his life then.

Her own first time had been with Michael. It hadn’t been anything extraordinary. It had been quick, painful and uncomfortable; not exactly something that she enjoyed remembering.

“How was it?” she asked after a moment of silence.

“In, out, done. Not really that pleasurable.”

“Oh.”

He started walking again, sensing her discomfort.

“I used to hang out here a lot,” he said and pointed to another small pub. People there often got to hear my horrible voice.”

“Hey, I actually happen to like your voice.”

“Oh really?” he said and started singing Waterloo in a really fake tone. “My my, at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender... la la la... met my destiny in quite a similar way...” he half mumbled and half sang. “… is always repeating itseeelf…

She laughed and playfully hit his chest. “Not like that.”

“I hope no one else was around to hear that. Maybe it will be up on YouTube in the next hour,” he joked. “I would never sing ABBA in public. At least not here, at home.”

“I’m sure if it isn’t, people would pay a lot to see it.”

“The bidding starts at $2500,” he said and laughed.

“Expensive much?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Right.”

They kept on walking. She liked that his tour of London was so much more personal than any other tourist guide would have been. This was what she wanted, to get to know him even better, even it it meant more heartbreak for the both of them.

“So, what’s our next stop?” she said.

“I was thinking the London Eye, but that’s even better during the night. And that only leaves us with one more stop.”

“Which is?”

“My childhood home.”

She had been waiting for that moment, with both excitement and fear.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

“Well, what are we waiting for then?”

She smiled softly. She still wanted to take his hand, or even more.

What the hell, she thought before she gently touched his arm with her hand and then took a hold of it. She placed it around her waist. He was surprised at first, but after a short moment he pulled her closer to him.

She wrapped her own arm around his waist too, and to anyone who might have seen them, it probably looked like they were a couple happily in love.

*

“Mom?” he said when they first walked into his parents house.

“In the kitchen!” Kristen heard a female voice reply.

He led her there, and she could see his face light up when he saw her. He let go of her and walked up to his mother and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

“There’s still no strength in your arms,” his mother said and laughed a little.

He responded by hugging her tighter.

“Oh, I see. You’re trying to kill me.”

“Not more than usual.”

Kristen had to smile a little at how much he seemed to really love his mother, there were no faked emotions in his smile.

“There’s someone here who I’d like you to meet,” he said when she had pulled away from his tight embrace.

Kristen felt herself beginning to blush.

“This is Kristen,” he said and smiled at her.

“I’ve heard so much about you!” his mother said and then pulled her into her arms. She briefly saw Robert leave the room, probably to let the two of them be alone, and to find his dog Patty, she thought.

“I’ve heard… things about you, too,” she said. Robert had never really spoken much about her, just briefly mentioning her sometimes, like it hit too close to home.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.”

“You too,” she said with a little smile, and then his mother let go of her.

“I don’t mean to be forward, but… Take care of my son, okay?” she said and Kristen could hear how her voice had become strained.

“I’ll do what I can,” she said honestly.

“Don’t break him down. Please. He’s been through so much, and he really doesn’t need you to break his heart.”

Kristen felt the familiar tears well up in her eyes.

“I’ll really try.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” she said.

Kristen leaned forward to whisper in her ear.

“To tell you a secret, I adore your son.”

It was easier to say that than to say that she loved him.

But she did.

Completely.

*

“Give me a sign,” he suddenly said when they were on their way up in the London Eye to see the beauty that was London, by night.

“What?” she asked.

“Give me a sign. That I’m not just wasting my time. That you actually feel something for me. That maybe… that maybe there is a chance for us,” he said slowly.

“I feel a lot of things for you,” she replied honestly.

“You know what I mean.”

She took a deep breath. She wanted so badly to just give him that sign by kissing him, but yet it didn’t seem fair to him, when she hadn’t cleared things up with Michael.

She tried to think of a way to give him that sign, but it was as if her mind was blank.

A kiss would be too promising. A touch on the cheek would be too friendly. She wanted him as a friend and yet as so much more.

When she didn’t answer, she felt his hand being placed on her lower back, and slowly working its way up. It stopped on her neck, slowly rubbing it, just like he had done all those months ago.

She let out a low moan, it felt so good. He responded by making it a little more intense.

“You’re so tense,” he mumbled.

“Yeah…”

She didn’t want him to stop, it felt like heaven. Michael never massaged her and if he would, it wouldn’t be like this.

She decided to take her mind off Michael for now, this moment was too precious to ruin it.

As she stopped thinking of him, she thought of the perfect way to give Rob the sign that she didn’t want to let him go.

She took his arm and gently stroked it for a moment, before she placed it around her waist, just like she had done earlier that day.

He felt his heart become filled with that involuntary hope.

“Thank you,” he murmured.
 
 
Current Location: My room
Current Music: Robert Pattinson - Let me sign
 
 
 
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
highvoltage11 on March 11th, 2009 12:32 am (UTC)
I love this. All of the emotions are realistic, and not forced. Each scene stands on its own with a clear picture of their feelings. The piano scene was heartbreaking with how vulnerable he was...like everything had finally taken its toll on him.

I loved the 'give me a sign' part. Hopeful, and sensitive Rob seems so close to how he really is to those that really see him...

Can't wait to see how it ends!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
Gigigigi_v on March 11th, 2009 12:39 am (UTC)
Oh, I lovelove the fact that he didn't listen to her while sleeping in the bed. The assertiveness was adorable in so many ways.

And the tour of London was such a nice thought.
I can't wait to see what Japan will bring :)
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
yashi1387yashi1387 on March 11th, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
wow this was exelent !!!! loved it alot

espacially this part:

She had been taken, to the public eye, at least.

On the inside, she had been in chains, screaming, hoping that someone would come along and release her from them.

And he had been that someone. He had come along, holding the key in his love for her.

And he didn’t even know.


i totally feel like deep inside kstew feels or felt like this !!!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
Katekate_stew on March 11th, 2009 01:58 am (UTC)
This was so gorgeous, really :)

I loved KS's secret to Rob's mom. And when he whispered to her in bed my heart just stopped.

Can't wait for more!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
tina: rpattz & kstew // lolzteener on March 11th, 2009 02:19 am (UTC)
i really love this, and i can't wait to read more! and i really, really love that acceptance song, so the title definitlely caught my attention! :]
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I love that song too. :)
esra88esra88 on March 11th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
“I like to watch things I’ve lost when I try to focus on the future,” he said slowly. “And hope that I won’t make the same mistake again and chase after things or people that are already taken.”

owww:((

and

“Thank you,”

yaaaay:))

this fanfic is amazing:))
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
sara_nade: are you afraid pissed pantssara_nade on March 11th, 2009 06:46 am (UTC)
this is the best thing EVER!!! Happiness!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
jojo1997: RKjojo1997 on March 11th, 2009 08:02 am (UTC)
I love it! It was all sorts of love! I hope there's more to come.
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Carly: Schmerblescarolina_hope on March 11th, 2009 08:09 am (UTC)
I love it. all the parts but the visit at his house the most.

it was heartbreaking but also full of hope. I cat wait for the rest of the story
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 11th, 2009 03:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
(Deleted comment)
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 12th, 2009 05:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
scream2me18scream2me18 on March 13th, 2009 05:13 am (UTC)
OMG this is so beautiful I WANT MORE *FLOWERS* its so real, like i could really see it happening, i cant wait for the next part, you should make this like a 10 parter lol
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 13th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
scream2me18scream2me18 on March 13th, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC)
*blush* i know i know you from FF right. . . . . . . . . . . . . . feel free to hit me, i have been breathing paint to long i cant remember anything
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 13th, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
Lol, yes! I'm Jenny. :)
scream2me18scream2me18 on March 13th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
thats wut i thought *hug*
Yes1990yes1990 on March 13th, 2009 10:43 am (UTC)
That was well written bb. That ending is just so perfect...can't wait for ur next update. ^^
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 13th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
bite_me4748bite_me4748 on March 14th, 2009 06:26 am (UTC)
how cute is that? This is really good. When he was showing her around i hoped they'll stop by at Camden :P It's really awesome. I can't wait for the next part.
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 14th, 2009 11:28 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
nadine2001nadine2001 on March 22nd, 2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
Beautiful written. Very emotional and so sad. It seems to me that these 2 are so broken. Oh I love Mum Robertson. She seems like a real mum, caring for her child. Can I say that I don't Michael. I don't know what Kristen sees in him. Compared to Rob he is a child (at least he looks like one). They so seem not to be in love just friends. I don't get any romantic vibe from them. They have a weird relationship. Sorry for the rant.

Your story is sooo amazing. Now off to part 2.
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 22nd, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I don't like him either. xD
13braveheart on March 23rd, 2009 10:55 am (UTC)
“I like to watch things I’ve lost when I try to focus on the future,” he said slowly. “And hope that I won’t make the same mistake again and chase after things or people that are already taken.”

love this sooo much - i can feel Rob's pain inside

amazing job!!!!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 23rd, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
pappy73pappy73 on July 12th, 2009 04:49 pm (UTC)
Wow,meeting the mom.It melted my heart.
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )