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04 March 2009 @ 12:26 am
You're the only one who can break me down like this (1/2)  
Title: You're the only one who can break me down like this (1/2)
Author: Jenny (dazzledjem)
Pairing: Robert Pattinson / Kristen Stewart
Rating, Word Count: M, 2 374
Disclaimer: Don't know them, don't own them.
Summary: “You don’t know what I want,” she said and the moment that the last word slipped out of her mouth, it felt like she sobered up.
Note: I'm starting to feel like writing fics is all I do in school, haha. This idea came to me after hearing about Robert and Kristen (and Taylor...) being at the karaoke bar in Tokyo, that I would write something about each stop they made during the press tour. This part contains a small part from Rome (because I completely forgot about it at first), Canada, Los Angeles and Munich. That means that the next part will hopefully contain France, London and Japan, if I ever find the time to write it. Please let me know what you think about it, feedback is always appreciated! :)



November 13th, 2008

She was exhausted by the time they came back from Much Music. She had said goodbye to Nikki and said that she would call it an early night.

Now she was lying in the bed, curled up under the covering because she was so cold.

A part of her hoped he would come over, just like he had done in Rome when they got drunk together and just laughed until the morning hours.

But she couldn’t hope for that, because it was wrong and he wouldn't show up.

*

Just when she had nearly drifted off to sleep, there was a loud knock on the door. She groaned, but she didn’t leave the bed to open.

Another knock.

And another.

Suddenly, she heard a male voice.

“Kristen, I know you’re there.”

Rob.

She dragged herself out of the warm bed into the cold room and opened the door. He stood in front of her, his eyes wild.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

He walked in quickly and went to sit down on the bed, and she wasn’t late to close the door.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. Yes. Fuck it, I’m just being silly.”

“Tell me.”

“There were just a big group of girls who chased me.”

“What?”

“Screaming I love you, Edward! and Can you bite me? Pleeease! I just… couldn’t take it. And when I finally got back to my room, I realized that I didn’t want to be alone. So I came here.”

She had to smile a little that he came to her, even though she knew she shouldn’t have.

“I’m sorry I didn’t open. I just thought it was some crazy fans and I really didn’t want to open.”

“I’m just glad you finally did. I have noting with me to drink though, if you were hoping for that.”

She had to sigh at how well he knew her. She flashed him a smile and then went to the little fridge, which contained two beers.

“Nikki got them for me yesterday,” she said.

“Oh.”

“At least she is good for something,” she mumbled under her breath. “And I don’t even want to know what she did to get them.”

“Thanks for that mental image.”

“I thought you liked her.”

“She can be cool sometimes, but I think like is a too strong word.”

“At least she seems into you," she mumbled.

“I’ve fucked her once.”

He cursed himself mentally for not keeping quiet. Why couldn’t he just shot up?

She heard her breath hitch, even though she knew about it, after all Nikki had told her. Oh Kris, he was so amazing! He knows just exactly how to please a woman and it was just… incredible.

She had wanted to say Yes, I know. I’ve been with him too and then shove her out of the room, but she hadn’t.

But it felt more real when she heard it from him. It made her eyes see things they didn’t want to see.

Him fucking Nikki.

Nikki fucking her Rob.

It hurt more.

“I know,” she finally said after a moment of silence.

“I’m so…” he began, but she interrupted him.

“Michael and I had this amazing hot, passionate sex before I left.”

She knew that would burn.

The thing was, it hadn’t even been good. He had moved a little, too uncomfortable, to distraught, until he came, and she hadn’t even been close.

Because she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the man who was in her hotel room right now. Making comparisons, like always. It could be the smallest things, like if Robert held out the chair for her she would test Michael and see if he did too.

He never had.

It did burn, because he didn’t speak for a long while after that.

Maybe he had deserved that, he thought.

But the mental image it provided disgusted him. The thought her underneath him, scratching his back, him kissing her neck, her moaning his name…

He closed his eyes for a moment, hoping it would disappear.

It didn’t.

She was still waiting for him to speak, because she didn’t know what she could say to let him know that she didn’t mean to say that, and that no one could come close to him. But she feared anything she would say would just make it worse.

*

“What do you think of Nikki?” he asked, breaking the silence after a long while.

He would avoid the topic of her and Michael at any cost.

“She’s my best friend,” she said simply and sat down on the bed, but still keeping her distance.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Just because she’s your best friend, you don’t have to like everything about her.”

She didn’t.

If the truth were to be told, she hadn’t even wanted her to come along to Canada. She had wanted some alone time with him. She knew Rachelle wouldn’t bother them. She was sweet and caring, but she also knew when to stay away.

Nikki didn’t.

“Do you want the honest version?” she mumbled.

“Why else would I ask?”

“She’s nice… I mean, she’s always giving me these advices on clothing, make-up and so on. Not that I ever listen to them, but… It’s nice having a girlfriend like that. But she can also be the most annoying bitch in the universe, which she is 90% of the time.”

“Why?”

“She’s just always there, you know? She won’t get off my back to just leave me alone and let me play my guitar in peace; no she has to sing along. She always interrupts, even if she knows I don’t want to be disturbed, and she can’t just shut up.”

“No kidding,” he said and raised an eyebrow.

“I was thinking,” she said and handed him a beer.

“And?”

“Do you have any duct tape?” she said as a small smile appeared on her lips.

He started to laugh harder than he had in a long time, and he raised his beer and there was a clink sound when it met hers.

“You’re a genius, Stewart. “

*
November 17th, 2008

It was a somewhat tipsy Kristen Stewart who knocked on the door to Robert Pattinson’s apartment at 04:38 AM.

Robert himself had spent the night with playing Van Morrison songs on his guitar – one in particular, after not being able to sleep because his mind was being occupied by a woman.

Her.

He opened the door, only wearing his boxers, his hair even more disheveled than it usually was, and with sleepy eyes.

And there she was, the woman who had haunted his dreams for such a long time he couldn’t remember the last time he slept peacefully.

Her.

Kristen Jaymes Stewart, born on April 9th 1990, starred in Into the Wild, amongst many other movies she had been in.

Girlfriend of Michael Angarano, but he tended to forget that.

She looked adorable in jeans, a white tank top and a dark gray shirt. Her hair, which had been so carefully done for the premiere, was now looking she had slept on it for a few days.

“What are you doing here?” he said harsher than he had intended.

“Can I come in before I tell you? It’s cold.”

He sighed and let her in and closed the door. What other choice did he have?

*

“So, will you tell me now?” he asked once she had sat down on the couch.

Before she could answer, he went to the kitchen and grabbed a Pepsi from the fridge and went back and handed it to her.

She looked slightly confused.

“If you want something to drink. It’s all I have.”

“Oh. Thanks…”

“So, why are you here, really?”

She took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair before she spoke.

“I fought with Michael.”

“So you came to me? How charming.”

He could hear his voice dripping with hidden anger, but it was hard to stay mad at her.

“I came here because I enjoy your company,” she said with a harsh tone. “If you want to, I can leave. Just say it.”

“No. Go ahead.”

“I fought with him about the fucking premiere and how I apparently kept looking at you, like I was in love with you. And Nikki took his side and she wouldn’t shut up and…”

“Didn’t you find any duct tape?”

“And so I walked here.”

His eyes widened.

“You walked?! It’s freezing!”

“I wanted to be with you,” she mumbled before he watched her fragile hands open the can of Pepsi, and the she brought it to her lips to take a sip.

“Kristen, you could have called me. I would’ve picked you up.”

“I didn’t want to bother you before I came,” she said before she yawned.

“You look exhausted,” he pointed out.

“So?”

“You should sleep.”

She suddenly put the can of Pepsi on the table and laid down on the small couch, and closed her eyes.

“Now that you mentioned it, I feel pretty tired. I guess I should.”

He sighed.

“Here?”

“Do you mind it?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Before he even knew it, she was breathing deeply, nearly snoring. He didn’t even want to think about how Michael would feel about this. But he did know how much her back would ache after sleeping on that couch and he couldn’t let that happen. She didn’t need that on top of everything.

He gently lifted her up from the couch and into his arms, where her fragile body fit so perfectly. He carried her to his bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed, where he began to take off her jeans, and then the rest of her clothes.

He tucked her in under the covering, hoping she wouldn’t wake up and be cold. He gently pressed his lips to her forehead before he took a pillow and walked out to the living room and laid down on the uncomfortable couch.

Love hurt.


*
December 4th, 2008

She had just got out of the shower when she heard someone knock on the door. She went to open it, only wearing the short towel that was wrapped around her body, thinking that it was only Michael.

It wasn’t.

“Rob,” she said and unintentionally let out a short gasp.

“Hi,” he grinned.

“What are you doing here? Do you…” she began, but he interrupted her.

“Before you say anything else,” he said and held up a bottle of tequila with some strange German writing on it.

“Rob…” she began to protest.

Not that she wanted to.

“I smuggled it in. And this, too,” he said and pointed to a bag next to him on the floor. “What’s tequila without lime and salt?”

The only times she had drunk tequila, she had experienced her worst hangovers ever. But she didn’t object now, she just sighed and nearly wanted to kiss him for knowing what she wanted.

“Come in,” she said.

“Thank you.”

“I’m just going to… put something on,” she said and walked towards her suitcase.

“There’s no need. You could be naked for all I care.”

She turned around to look at him.

“No attempts, no flirting, what so ever.”

“None.”

“Good, so shut up.”

She turned around again and just took something from the suitcase and went to the bathroom to change. She dropped the towel to the floor and heard his breath hitch, realizing she had forgotten to close the door.

“Fuck… You’re gorgeous,” he said. "As always."

She bit her lip and mumbled a silent fuck under her breath before she quickly covered her body with the towel and slammed the door.

*

Of course, she had managed to grab only a pair of black hotpants and a white tank top. He looked up from where he was sitting on the bed when he heard the bathroom door open.

“Do you want to kill me?” he asked and stared blankly at her.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I just grabbed something and…”

“I don’t exactly mind it, you know.”

“Unfortunately, I know.”

She cursed herself mentally for unfortunately not hating that he didn’t mind it. She liked it.

“Give me your hand,” he suddenly said.

“What?”

“Salt?”

“Oh, right.”

She sat down next to him and held her hand out. She couldn’t bother enough to care that the man next to her wasn’t Michael.

And she didn’t want it to be either.

*

After three shots, she took the salt cellar away from him to take a fourth.

“Do you really think that you need any more tequila in your tiny body?” he asked, but he still held out his hand for her to pour some salt on as well.

“Yes,” she said. “Pour it up first.”

He did as she said, and handed her one of the glasses. She thanked him by pouring the salt on his hand.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

She nodded, and raised her hand.

“One, two, three!”

They licked away the salt before letting the tequila run down their throats. She was the first one to put the lime in her mouth, and she made a grimace like always, which he found adorable.

They both ran their hand through their hair at the same time, and she found this so amusing that she began to giggle.

“You are officially drunk,” he said.

“No,” she said when she had finally stopped giggling. “Maybe. A little.”

“No more shots for you then. Which means, more for me.”

“I want another one.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“You don’t know what I want,” she said and the moment that the last word slipped out of her mouth, it felt like she sobered up.

“You’re right, I don’t,” he said with a deep meaning in his voice.

She could hear so many things in his tone, and she didn’t know if it was because she was drunk but she thought she could look deeper into his eyes than she ever had.

She heard the hope that she would take a hint and leave Michael for him.

There was desperation.

Sadness.

Fear that she would never realize that he was the better one for her.

But she had. She wasn’t exactly clueless.

Just helpless.
 
 
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( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 4th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Gigi: Kristen Nylon Outtakegigi_v on March 4th, 2009 12:21 am (UTC)
Oh wow, I love this.
I like how you threw in a mini biography of Kristen.
Oh, and they're bonding over alcohol ... nice :), haha

Hope you post the next part soon :D
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 4th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
(Deleted comment)
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 4th, 2009 03:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
calleighlovecalleighlove on March 4th, 2009 02:24 am (UTC)
Wow. Just... Wow.
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 4th, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Amalinakellneriner on March 4th, 2009 07:46 am (UTC)
I'll join in and say wow. Seriously there's no adjective to describe this story so wow will have to do. Sorry. LOL.
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 4th, 2009 03:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! :)
jojo1997jojo1997 on March 4th, 2009 09:21 am (UTC)
Very nice! I loved it... please update the second half!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 4th, 2009 03:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Yes1990yes1990 on March 4th, 2009 04:46 pm (UTC)
looking forward to ur next update. good stuff!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 4th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
nadine2001nadine2001 on March 22nd, 2009 09:39 pm (UTC)
I've found this story because of lurking FF. This is so intense and kinda sad. 2 people so in love and not knowing waht to do.

Checking out the other parts.
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 22nd, 2009 09:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
13braveheart on March 23rd, 2009 10:59 am (UTC)
i love you're tequila part ...

hoping for more ...
dazzledjemdazzledjem on March 23rd, 2009 04:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
pappy73pappy73 on July 12th, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC)
TRULY AMAZING!!Can't wait to keep reading!!
dazzledjemdazzledjem on July 13th, 2009 11:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )